Nobody Talks About Making Friends As Adults.

Today was one very hectic day for me but in the midst of all the commotion, I managed to make a new friend.

I was just running around with our students coordinator at the health center when a girl walked up to me. Completely out of nowhere. We have no mutual friends that I'm aware of, no context, no preamble. She just walked right up, bright-eyed, and told me she would love to take a picture with me.

For a second, I stood there, genuinely cut off guard, because that kind of thing doesn't happen or at least, hasn't happened to me. It's not like I haven't had people walk up to me but absolutely none of them have outrightly asked for pictures. And no, I'm not a celebrity, yet :)

After I was done with all the paperwork that took me to that office,we talked some more and took a few pictures. The young lady was so easy to talk to and there was no form of awkwardness. We laughed, exchanged contacts and by the time we went our separate ways, the realization hit me; I had just made a new friend. Just like that. Born from one person deciding that the awkward possibility of rejection was less important than the shot at a genuine connection.

I've been thinking about what happened, not in a dramatic way but more like in a way you think about something that reminded you of a truth you had forgotten. Because somewhere along the line, many of us stopped making friends and got so comfortable with the idea that adult friendships “just happen” be it through work, through existing circles or through algorithms, and we have totally forgetton the oldest way of making friends.

I remember how frequently I made friends as a kid. It came naturally to me and I made friends with as many people as I could, except those who my parents restricted me from making friends with. But there's a myth that accompanies adulthood. We say that making friends as a kid is easier but as adults, it's different. Harder. And we say this with so much wisdom but honestly, I think it's fear in better vocabulary.

The reason kids make friends so easily isn't because they're children. It's because they haven't yet learned to be embarrassed about wanting connections. Kids can walk up to strangers and propose a friendship with no reluctance.

We unlearn this slowly, over the years. And by adulthood, most of us have completely lost the ability to initiate friendship with someone we just met even when every signal is saying this person could be incredible.

The art of consciously making friends can be simple sometimes. It has to do with paying attention and being honest. It means noticing a person who is reading a book you love and actually commenting outwardly not just in your head.

Conscious friendship entails being willing to look a little eager. A little "uncool". A little like someone who actually cares. The girl who walked up to me today understood this. She wanted something special, a photo and instead of talking herself out of it, she moved. That decision led to a conversation, to exchange of contacts and finally to a new friend.

So here's a question for you: when was the last time you actually made a genuine physical connection with someone else?

^{Images used belong to me and were taken with my mobile device, except stated otherwise.}

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