The Next Station Was Still Ahead

"Sir, help me! Help me!" Shouted the man from a moving train door. I quietly heard it as the cry for help blends with the music playing in my earphone.

I glanced for a bit and saw the worried look in his face for split seconds. Everyone around me didn't really care about it and was just minding their business, as the next train was about to arrive from the other side of the platform. Things happened so quick that perhaps, the other staff nearby failed to report it to the train driver to stop the train from moving or even alerted the staff in the car to stop the man from jumping.

Then just a few meters from where I stood, the man decided to jump. Thankfully, he survived with minor injuries. I was just astonished seeing that but once I boarded into my train, everything started to unfold in my brain.

For most people, they could just go about their day and for me, it was more like a mixture of everything. The worried look on his face, the cry of help, and the final jump. Somehow, something was a little off seconds before it happened too.

He could have not jumped and just got off the next station, take another train back.

That reminds me basically it could apply to someone who ends their life and how the world around them perceive it. Perhaps, they would have not attempted to end their life if they see a way out of their problems. But to the person who decided to end their life, they fail to see those, just like the man who jumped, for whatever reason, knowing that he could actually just get off the next train station, order another ticket to that station with consequences of missing an hour or two, he still decided to jump.

I used to want to die desperately. Now, I want to live but nothing has changed since many years that I still struggle with it. I even wrote this below 3 years ago and the only difference is that I get to burry the voices deeper.

Even today I still struggled with voices that tells me to kill myself and vividly instructing me how to do it. Moving On After 25 and Turning 26

Though people around me may think I look fine, I go to church regularly and work, go around about my days but there are days when I fiddle with the ideation of it and the more I entertain those thoughts, it gets even more vivid and just one flip, I can do that.

Without much consideration of the people around me would feel the horror, not because I left.

Yet because even strangers who see, would also feel everything especially if they are hypersensitive to environment, the image before and after won't simply leave them like that, it could haunt them.

Maybe I witnessed today's event for a reason. It serves like a reminder that it's never easy like that.