We without erasing me

My belief is that a good relationship is not the one which cages us; rather, it gives us freedom a safe place to return to. So, If I had a choice, I would certainly choose to be in a relationship. My choice is maybe the result of my personal experiences. However, it does not mean that being single is a bad thing. I simply think life becomes richer when you have someone to share it with.

Relationship is not a cage

Before going any further, I would like to make one thing clear, being in a relationship does not mean that one has to give up his individuality or personal space. Not a critic, but the contest’s picture expresses the same concept. Like there are: freedom, self-growth, travel, hobbies, peace and independence. On the other hand, there are shared experiences such as love, companionship, support, trust, etc. And, once again, this is a normal belief in the present world. We have taken relationships and freedom as two quite opposite poles, but they are not. The assumption that once I have entered into a relationship, my personal agency will be gone. I have never understood this concept. I can be free and, in a relationship, at the same time. I, actually we, can travel together.

A healthy relationship

A healthy relationship is the one which does not take away our real self. I strongly believe that relationship is all about managing, understanding, caring and few changes. From my personal experience, both of us have quite the opposite personalities. It does interfere a lot in our lives, but by now, we have gotten used to it. I loved football; she hated it. She loved BTS; I hated them. Now, with the passage of time, we both watch both of these things together. Few things have changed though, however, thanks to immense love, I find those changes beautiful.

Joray Asmano P BAnta h (Marriages made in heaven)

At the same time, there is this cultural lens – joray asmano p banta h - we grow up with in South Asia. The belief that relationships are written somewhere in destiny long before we ever meet the person. While I love to fantasize this traditional and emotional value; I personally see relationships a little differently. I believe destiny may bring two people together, in the same space. But what happens next is completely shaped by choices, efforts and understanding.

Love is not just something that happens to us; it is something we actively build every single day.

Sounds poetic, right? Let me make it simple. In this chaotically beautiful life, we humans are full of relations. There are our parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles. The thing is most of these relations are not our choices. I cannot choose someone to be my genetical mother, but I do have a choice in finding the partner. However, even in this contemporary world, relationships are still surrounded by expectations, family approval, societal pressure, and the so-called idea of “perfect match”. It is like finding someone who fits a written script. I believe that no relationship becomes perfect on its own. It is all about creating something meaningful with someone through patience and shared experiences. A relationship is not a destined wooden piece which will fit perfectly, one needs to slowly learn to adjust its edges.

We without erasing I

Another important thing I have realized is that love does not remove the “I”. It just reshapes it, of course, in a healthier way. I still have my own goals, interests and personal space. I still want to grow, build a good career, own a library and explore life. But now, instead of doing everything alone, I have someone who became a part of this journey. The fun part is our goals have increased rather than going down. Relationship is not about losing independence; it is about sharing independence. I can still be “me”, she can still be “she”.

Moreover, being in a healthy relationship comes with many benefits that go beyond just intimacy. There is emotional support during stressful times, where you have someone to lean on, someone who listens, understands and stands by you. Even small moments like talking after a hectic day, sharing meals or planning future goals, become more meaningful when experienced together. Especially in South Asian culture, where family and togetherness are highly valued, a strong relationship is a must.

Natural Viewpoint

People often fear that relationships demand sacrifice of freedom, especially in our cultural setting where emotional attachment is sometimes confused with control. And this control thing is real. People most of the time hesitate to claim that in the name of liberalization. But a healthy relationship is not about control, it is about coordination. It is two people understanding that they can walk together without stepping on each other’s paths. Even when we disagree, we do not stop being ourselves. We learn, we adjust and sometimes we even influence each other in ways that improve both sides. Sometimes we fail to do so, but it does not make it multiplied by zero.

In the end, I do not see love as fate or destiny written in the stars or something that limits my choices. I see it as a decision I make every day. A decision to stay, to understand, to communicate, to fall and grow together. As they say, “aik (1) or aik giyaran (11) hota h”.

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Peace 🕊

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This is my entry for IndiaUnited Contest: If You Had a Choice, Would You Stay Single or Be in a Relationship?