The Background Player

Although I realize that part of my life philosophy has been significantly shaped by the subtle but ever-present "Jante Law" of my native Denmark, I have always considered myself far more of a shadow person than a front and center person.

I've never much liked the idea of "being seen" or being the person in charge and responsible; I try not to stand out; I prefer to contribute behind the scenes.

That was never much of an issue nor much of an oddity when I was a kid, and when I was coming of age... it was actually a fairly typical way for people to be.

When I moved to Texas for University, it was perhaps one of the greater "culture shocks" I experienced; or at least it was an unexpected one. The entire culture seemed to be a giant competition of who could be the loudest, brightest, shiniest and more visible... and it felt like there was almost something fundamentally wrong with you, if you were not part of that contest for superiority.

To a Dane, it felt not only very strange, but also rather distasteful.

Not suggesting it was "wrong," just strange...

A friend — who also happened to work in law enforcement (retired Sheriff) — said I fairly well fit the description of a "gray man."

I guess many people would consider that a bit of an insult, but to me it felt more like a compliment... which just goes to show that perception is often the most important part of communication.

A gray man is typically defined as a person who blends into their surroundings by largely matching the culture and preferences of the situation, making themselves largely unremarkable and forgettable typically as a way to not draw attention to themselves.

Although I think the term originated in the world of espionage and covert ops, it can be pretty much applied across most of life. For me, it was often about my daily world.

I did well enough in school to never be a problem, but not so well as to stand out and start winning awards and accolades... a "solid B+ student." At work, I was often the person who added "bits and pieces" to a project that kept it running smoothly, and filled in gaps that would have caused crashes and misfires... and at the end, everything turned out remarkably well without it being attributable to any one thing.

It's a bit like a party that went really well, and everyone enjoyed themselves, but they can't pinpoint exactly why, but someone behind the scenes averted half-a-dozen crises nobody will ever know about.

My motivation has mostly been that I just want to be left alone — and I have been pretty successful at that — but the downside to the whole equation tends to be that the "unseen" tend to go unnoticed in pretty much all respects... including the fact that you still have to be able to pay your electric bill and buy some food. And if your contribution went unnoticed, you're also unlikely to get compensated for it.

Again, I'm not faulting anyone; it's simply How Things Work.

Thanks for stopping by and have a great Friday!

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2026.08.01 01:53 PDT
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