'Dramatic Twist' 5 Minute Freewrite

I’m using one of the weekend freewrite prompts, ‘Dramatic Twist’, as a single-part freewrite:

Susan sat on the cushy sofa watching TV. It was already dark outside, and she loved the feeling of having her own little television cave with the lights off. That is, until a hand grabbed the back of the couch, making her jump.

“Did you read my draft, yet?” asked the hand’s owner, Dave, excitedly.

“Jesus, yes, I did,” Susan tried to recover, “and don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry,” he said as he jumped over onto the other half of the sofa. “So what did you think?” Susan awkwardly looked at him, and then back to the TV.

“About what?”

“About my story, what else? Tell me, was it great?” Dave enthused. There was a slight pause, and his face dropped. “It was terrible, wasn’t it?”

“Wha—no, it was not terrible. Don’t be ridiculous.” She shook her head and pulled a nearby blanket across her lap. “You should have more confidence.”

“So…you liked it?”

“You had some really nice bits of description.” Susan hoped that would be enough, but Dave still stared, waiting for more. “And, you know, you’re right. Giving the detective a canine sidekick did make it more interesting.”

“And the dramatic twist at the end?”

“There was a dramatic…” She trailed off, seeing how her confusion led to a borderline-disheartened frustration in Dave.

“The twist! When Scruffy reveals that Samuel was the murderer!” In his animated gesticulations, he knocked the remote to the floor.

“Oh…that was supposed to be a surprise?”

“Yes! The clues built up to it being the captain, but he was just the red herring.”

“The clues,” Susan broached, “like how in Chapter One the killer wears a blue scarf with silver tassels?”

“Exactly,” he confirmed.

“And Samuel wears the same scarf in the next chapter.”

“I didn’t have him wear…” Dave lost himself in trying to remember, while shaking his head in disbelief. Susan responded with sympathetic nods. He let himself sink further into the cushions, realizing that she was right. Sitting there, he ran the story through his head, critiquing and examining and wondering what other parts were total disasters.

Susan gently nudged him with her foot.

“Hey, you wanna watch some TV?”

Dave gave an appreciative smile and a nod.

“You have to get the remote, though,” she added.

“Deal.”

It’s a little funny, I used to always write prose and avoid dialogue. Now, when doing these freewrites, I keep wanting to do dialogue. It's good practice, anyways.

Thanks for reading!

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