What the F***

Where does worry come from, why am I panicking about things that may never happen ?

What is it that makes me doubt that there could be a ‘positive’ outcome?

I have been through many ‘scrapes’ if you could call them that in my life, quite a few abusive relationships, least of all the one that I have allowed to exist with myself, and one that I continue to allow.

I see/realise that I have years of suppressed emotions of fear and panic of the worst happening and then it doesn't and I’m relieved, but I haven’t gone back and forgiven myself for allowing the doubt and fear to exist in the first place, I just dig a little hole bury it walk away and tell myself ‘thank god I’m/it’s ok now. This I now understand.

So the reactions that I have hidden and created a whole system of relief around are still here within my reality, imprinted within myself, I can just myself that they are not, that I am fixed if you like, that it’s ‘silly’ to worry and panic about stuff, but within this I judge and resist getting my hands dirty digging at the earth to look at the hidden aspects of myself...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience within and as me of panic and stress as a point of who I am - where I have convinced myself that I need this to stay alert

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that this is who I am and that if I don’t panic and worry about things I will not be prepared and be caught out in some way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let points accumulate within and as me and within this go unchecked to the point that I don’t even realise that I am panicking and worrying about things because it’s so integrated as me, through not pin pointing and stopping and correcting the ‘seemingly’ small points of worry, that then accumulate over time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me as the worst thing happening

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am being silly by worrying, as a point of self judgement- instead of embracing what is here and accepting that it is now a part of me through my participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not go into a kind of tussle with my worry and try to fight it

I commit myself to flag each and every time that I become panicked and start worrying about ‘what if’ in an energetic form of fear - I commit myself to stop breathe and slow myself down and have a look at what can practically be done in the situation and not allow myself to go off on a road of worry through participating in my thoughts of worry that then lead to panic by forgiving what is coming up and reasoning with myself in a common sense way of asking myself ‘ is there a real fear here, or is is all in my own imagination?’ Through this I can apply myself accordingly, either in self honest forgiveness and letting it go or making a plan to deal with what could be a danger, through keeping calm in the breath and moving myself to protect myself and or others in a practical no emotion way