Did I Overdid Things?

Image is AI generated

On my previous post, I talked briefly about how I found myself in the police cell, something that I never thought would happen to me until that fateful night because of my daughter's reckless behavior and poor decision at work place that I have to go in for her.

Ever since then, I have been trying to speak to my daughter about what happened and why she made those reckless choices at her work place, but she has been avoiding me and instead left the house to stay with her friend for the past week. I am starting to wonder if my constant attempt to talk to her and bring her closer is actually pushing her away farther instead of bringing her close to me.

All I have ever done was to protect her, but my actions has somehow made her resent me and do exactly the opposite of what I have always wanted her to do. I am beginning to question myself, if this is how hard it is to raise a girl child. Since my daughter turned 20, everything seems to have changed between us. She wanted more independent and freedom which I refused to give her because I wanted to protect her from social vice and the danger of the world, but she sees my protection as control and denial against her right to live her own life.

Is this the way that every girl child thinks towards their father when they reach adulthood, or is there something I could have done to prevent all of these from happening in the first place?

I saw a thread post today where the poster talked about how she had a fallout with her father that lasted for many years, and how they eventually reconciled. I commented on the post that all the father ever wanted was to protect her from harm which she didn't understand at the time. The poster replied to my comment saying that being overprotective can lead to more harm than good and that overprotection is not love.

Her words stuck a cord with me, and I began to realize my intentions though good, may not have been executed in the right way to express the love and care I have for my daughter. I feel horrible now when I think about all that has happened between us in the past, and I am starting to see that I was actually overdoing things especially now that my daughter doesn't even want to communicate with me over phone and won't see me either.

My dilemma now is figuring out how to make her come back home for us to talk like father and daughter. I want to know how she feels about everything that happens and find a way to rebuild trust and repair our relationship before it's too late.

I use to think that being a good father mean protecting your children from every possible harm, but now I understand that being a good father also means trusting them to make their own mistakes and learning from those mistakes even if it's painful to watch them go through them. Raising a boy child was something that I thought would be difficult but I was wrong, raising a girl child has proven to be more challenging than I ever imagined.

New, I am clearly seeing the difference between the girl child and the boy child. Boys think towards home and what they could do to contribute to the family, while girls think towards their independence and who to be with in life. I wouldn't want to push my daughter farther away than it has been, so I am thinking of not bothering her for now and giving her the space she needs to breathe and come back to the house on her own terms.