Dick-head

1. stupid, annoying, horrible person; jerk: "I couldn't care less what all the dickheads up the pub reckon";
2. stupid; foolish; befitting a dick-head: "It was a dickhead thing to do"; "You dick-headed nob"

The Yoga Swing

Them: Hi is this available?
Me: Yes, are you interested?
Them: [No Reply. Ever.]

Them: Hi, is this available?
Me: Yes, are you interested?
Them: Can you deliver?
Me: Where do you live?
Corio. (45 minute drive from me)
I resist the urge to tell her to use her manners, and that I am not a personal fucking delivery service, and tell her it'll be another $50 to deliver. No answer.

Them: Hi, is this available?
Me: Yes, are you interested?
Them: Does it come with ropes, carabiners and straps to attach to the ceiling?
Me: No, you'll have to get those yourself from Bunnings.
Resists urge to query why they think they'd get all the added extras for that price.

The Vintage Mirror

Them: Hi is this available?
Me: Yes, are you interested?
[No Reply. Ever.]

Them: Hi is this available? Where do you live?
Me: Names town.
Sorry too far (it's a fifteen minute drive away)
Me: Resists urge to ask them why they didn't look at the location in the advertisement and how close do they expect something to be?

Them: Hi is this available?
Me: Yes, are you interested?
Them: DIMENSIONS??????
Me: Resists urge to tell them to read the entire advertisement where the dimensions are listed, and to use their manners.

The TV Unit

Me: Hi, is this available? We can come past on Saturday, but need to know it's solid wood first?
Them: Yes, it's solid wood.
Me: Goes out of my way to get to the place to pick it up by said time, navigates traffic, a dog at the gate, two toddlers by the front door, and finds it is not solid wood and awkwardly says no thanks.

The Herbal Book

Them: Oh my god I love this book! It's beautiful! I'd like to buy it please, but I can't afford til Tuesday, is that okay?
Me: Of course, no worries. Message me Tuesday.
Them: Awesome! I really appreciate it! Thankyou!
Me: Tuesday I message her in the evening. Wait three days for her to reply that she's sorry and can't afford the $5 I'm asking. I readvertise for twice the amount and sell it the next day.

The Archery Set

Me: For sale, archery set, with arrows.
Facebook: Careful you don't get banned for advertising weopons, which goes against our policies.
Me: Shouts at screen. It's not a fucking weopon, it's a hobby.
Facebook This is a warning - you might get banned if you keep this up.
Me: Okay, I'll sell on Gum Tree.
Gumtree: Crickets.

The Peugot

Them: Hi, is this available? What's your lowest price?
*Me: Ad says $1000
Them: I'll give you $200, but my cousin will pick it up because I'm in hospital, is that okay?
Me: Blocks user, reports as spam.

The Compost Bins

Them: Three compost bins for sale, $20 each.
Me: Hi! Yes please! I'll take all three - can I pick up tomorrow?
Them:
ME: Hello?
Them: NO. REPLY. EVER.
Me: Hello????