Underwhelmed

It’s just the first day of the month, but I badly wanted to end it fast. It’s been days since I shared something here, and of course, other than me being sick, the reason would be my school responsibilities. It’s no secret that I’m still studying, and sometimes I do wish that I was already done with it…like yeah, working is tiring too, but at least I get paid. Plus what’s bothering me more are the group projects that give me anxiety. I’m really not fond of group projects because I feel less motivated when I’m working with other people—especially on art stuff. I’m definitely an experimental person when it comes to art projects, and I’ve made a lot of projects that started bad but turned out good. Most of them are the ‘trust the process’ kind, so as much as possible I wanted to work on my own. Working with other people just didn’t sit well with me because it felt like I didn’t have the freedom to exercise my creative process. Also, I know my experimental methods won’t sit with most of the people, and of course they’ll criticize them, and I hate that. I don’t want to hear any criticism from them—be it constructive or not.

Just please shut up—I didn’t ask for your unsolicited opinion.

It may sound harsh, but yeah…that’s how I feel about it. Usually during the making process I don’t want to hear any yapping—especially from someone who's not expert on what I’m doing. I already experienced getting unsolicited opinions before, and as the goody two-shoe I am, I just brushed it off with a fake smile as if I were planning on considering it (which of course, I didn’t). Looking back at that now, it felt wrong because I should have given him a bad eye…joking. Anyway, I’m facing another dilemma with the group project, and I regret that I considered the option of considering their ideas. It turns out they also have none, and we’re so near the deadline. I kinda felt pissed because I should have worked on my own. I know that I don’t have enough resources to do so, but at least I should have tried.

Now I’m filled with regrets.

Yeah, no tears, just pure regret. I learned my major lesson for this week and possibly for this whole month. I know, I know it’s just the first day of this month, but this realization is definitely an eye-opener. I’ve done well on my own before, and I should have stayed with that. Now I’m stuck doing this mediocre project in haste—knowing I could have done better.

I should've stick with my gut feeling.

Next time, I’ll really go with it.