Raising My Children While Healing My Younger Self

A lot of how I treat my my children today comes from what I didn’t really get growing up. Not in a bitter way, just in a very honest way. The little things like feeling emotionally safe, being listened to properly, being comforted without having to earn it… those weren’t always consistent for me as a child. And I think that shaped me more than I used to admit.

Pixabay

Now that I have my own kids, I notice I’m very intentional about those same things. It’s not about trying to give them a perfect childhood or spoiling them with everything they want because I don't have everything they want yet. It’s more about the emotional side of things, I want them to feel safe with me. I want them to know it’s okay to have big feelings, to speak up, to be heard, even when they are not making sense yet.

Sometimes it’s in the small moments that it hits me. Like when I choose to pause instead of react, or when I actually sit down and explain something instead of brushing it off because I’m tired, those moments feel different. Almost like I’m breaking a pattern I grew up with without even making a big announcement about it.

And honestly, motherhood has a way of bringing up old stuff you thought you had moved past. It can be uncomfortable. Sometimes it catches you off guard. But at the same time, I’m starting to see it as part of the process. Like I’m getting another chance to do things differently, not just for my children, but also for that younger version of me that didn’t always get what she needed.

I won’t lie, it’s not always easy. Some days I get it right, some days I don’t. But I’m learning that showing up and trying again matters more than being perfect, I just want my kids to feel loved in a way that feels steady and safe. And in giving them that, I think I’m also slowly learning how to give it to myself too.

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