I love you. I hate you

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I love the way my heart swells with ecstasy when thoughts of you float through my mind.
I love the way the sweet sonorous sound of your voice transports me out of this world into my own beautiful fantasy.
I love the vorfreude that inflates me when I know I will be gazing upon your alluring visage within mere moments.
I love the way your smile lights up your eyes in a manner so contagious, it infects mine.
I love you, I wish you knew how much.

But I hate that you have the power to change my mood by a deed as minuscule as a tiny speck of dust.
I hate how my heart goes cold whenever I'm away from you, like a fire that has been doused by the cold harmattan wind.
I hate how I long for you with every minute I spend away from you.
I hate how vulnerable I am because I allowed myself to love you.

I love how the littlest thing you say can make me laugh and blush, and make my whole day.
I love how I crave your compliments every time I dress up for you. Do you even notice me?
I love the warmth that radiates through my body whenever you hold me in your protective arms. They wrap around me like a snug blanket on a cold night.
I love how I crave your company and yours alone on nights that seem so lonely and forlorn.
I love you so much, I really do.

But I hate how you disregard my feelings when I only show them because they're true.
I hate how you ignore me for hours and leave me waiting eagerly for an update from you.
I hate how you keep secrets and conceal skeletons when you're supposed to be my confidant, and I, yours.
I hate how you literally deflate me when you dampen my spirit over little things.
I hate how you kill my inner child when I'm supposed to be myself around you.
I hate how the most trivial comment you make and the most imperceptible action you take can make me bawl my eyes out, like a teenager who just experienced her first heartbreak.

I love to love you
But I hate how sometimes I hate that I love you.

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