The Day the Air Conditioning Died

The AC died last night – without much of a fight – off to Heaven it went
It gave its all – spring, summer, and fall – until its last breath was spent
I woke up sweating – and everyone was fretting – “Where did the cold air go?”
I said, “It ain’t coming back – and that’s a fact – you better just pray for snow”

Florida’s hot – so we started to rot – and our sweat it started to smell
We got a taste – in short haste – what it is like to burn in hell
The A/C guy – said, “You’re gonna fry – I’m fishing ‘til the afternoon”
I started to cry – the house plants all died – it even melted the spoons

“I’ll see you at two” – so I started to brew – another bucket of sweat
Everyone was asking – while we were basking – “Did the repair man get here yet?”
I like the heat – when I’m at the beach – but I like to leave it there
By a quarter of two – it was 92 – we were down to our underwear

Standing there naked – I didn’t think we would make it – then there was a knock at the door
I jumped from my chair – up into the air – and raced across the floor
The kids all cheered – “The repair man is here!” – We started to dance and sing
Better than Christmas! – Better than New Year! – When we heard that doorbell ring

But it was the neighbor Ralph – and I punched him in the mouth – cause I was so disappointed
I said, “How dare you – not be the repair dude” – my fist to his face I anointed
Ralph’s lawyer served me – which really unnerved me – could things get any worse?
And yes they did – the cat exploded – then I knew we were under a curse

Cat parts were flying – the kids were all crying – and still we got no relief
The poor dog melted – that’s when I felt it – hallucinations coming over me
I lost 10 pounds of fat – as I scraped up the cat – with no repairman in sight
The bird started squawking – which is always shocking – even the hamsters were picking a fight

My mind was cracking – so we started packing – to move up to the North Pole
I was hallucinating – and just plain crazy – when I decided to sell my soul
I summoned the devil – I said, “Let’s level – I’m willing to make a trade”
You can have my soul – for some air that is cold – and that’s the deal that we finally made

I have no regrets – no more night sweats – now it’s all done and said
I know I’ll be hot – with the deal that I got – but I’ll be cool until the day that I’m dead

2017 - John B Murphy III - All Rights Reserved