Life can be chaotic at times

It's been some time since I last published a post, so let's see how that goes.

In the last few years, a lot has changed for me, starting a career in IT, having a burnout and mental struggles to finding what I want to do in life. For a long while I was stuck in this increasingly annoying cycle, do everything for everyone, try to always be helpful etc. With time I started to see patterns that were concerning. The more useful or the more proactive or even helpful I became, the more everybody wanted to ask/demand from me.

Things usually start small, I try to impress an employer by doing a lot of work and doing it well, it helps me secure my position but as time goes by, I feel even more and more drained. My dreams and desires, the things that I used to chase and hustle for, started to be more and more distant, pushed to the backside of my mind, to never be remembered.

There's always a cost

Looking back at how things have gone down these last years, there are a lot of things I would be wanting to change and maybe adjust. I would believe that in these last few years I was too focused on progressing my career that I had forgotten the core idea of why I bothered to do it in the first place. Not the takeaways (Uber Eats and such, not the somewhat fancy phone. I started working and chasing my dreams, so that I could have the better things in life - to be able to simply lie on grass during the shiny summer days. The sunshine hitting my face, is always a pleasant feeling and makes me think of life and its beauty.

Instead of the above, I am working as any other person, have fewer results than I would have liked to have. Without going into too much details, some things were avoidable, some, not so much. What I wouldn't be too fussed about, are the lessons I learned from my mistakes, which have significantly changed my perspective on things. I am now working on moving forward in life with where I am at and to be honest enough with myself, that I want the simple freedoms back, I once had.