Stable Job, Unstable Mind

I’m a 30-year-old salaried woman living in the capital of a tropical country, and I want to quit. Yes, you read that right. The title says “stable job,” but I still want to walk away. I actually planned to quit about 2 years ago, because, as I said in my previous post, I’m ready to get married. I would leave my office job and start a new chapter. The idea of quitting and the idea of marriage have been growing side by side for years.

Let me stress it out, I wanted to quit even when everything was alright. Nevertheless, today feels different. The colleagues who work with me in my newbie era have gone to the new place, my team leader has changed, and the spark I once felt has gone.

Ironically, the earlier years were much harder: overtime almost every day, stand-by mode weekends, and the idea that I must be there whenever my boss asks, even on Saturday night.

We had an overtime literally from 2021 to 2022, what a first year to celebrate. Those were restless years, but they made me grow personally and professionally.

But today it was a lot easier than ever. No more overtime, no more restless weekends, no more random ideation whenever needed, and work-life balance. Or no? more like a pinch of work and life balance. The higher-ups do not really involve my team or me in most cases, so I now work to execute their plan without building ideas from the ground up. I hate to admit it, but maybe I am somewhat of a workaholic. It hurts my brain when I do not use it hard enough every day. It hurts my body when I do not work hard enough throughout the week. Somehow, doing less feels heavier than doing more.

That’s why I thought marriage could be the answer. New chapter, new responsibilities, and surely new problems to solve. But I cannot just marry a random guy, and even if I choose someone, there’s no guarantee he will choose me back. So maybe, while I’m waiting for that part of life to unfold, I shouldn’t just wait.

Maybe I should move.

To look for a new place with new challenges, new people, and a new story. Because staying feels safe, but leaving feels alive. I was working for almost 5 years here, by the way, if you were me, would you stay here or move to the other place?