These violent delights have violent ends

Good morning,

Whats on my mind is below.
To state for myself – I am in favor of the below to happen ( the hollowness ).

What you are searching for is not what you think it is, because the form you think it has isn’t true, the place you look it in isn’t right, your approach is limited and all your efforts are going in vain.

The energy you apply is true, your intentions are good, still you keep finding a part or glimpse of it a and as soon as you are about to acknowledge it, it has already gone far away it has disappeared!

Now you get angry, you give up, sometimes lose hope but temporarily only. The urge to find is so high that you again find hope and energy to start searching again. This keeps happening again and again but you never give up for your whole life until you are dead.

You go on the path of self-destruction, you start destroying what’s left of you in order to find it but still the loop persists, prevails. Destroying yourself like you are blackmailing god to give you what you want, expecting him to figure it out himself and come and give it to you. Sometimes destroy yourself and become a different something anticipating that the newer version of you might get it as the version you are destroying might be undeserving to what you want.

Consequently you become weak and still on the self-destructive process, and now you want it more than before.

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