✍️"The strange thing about losing something you loved" 🌃🌙 ES │US

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(English text💙)
There are losses that aren't big or visible, but it feels strange when you think about what you've lost.

I've been going through some complicated feelings lately. I've felt a bit lost and have tried to reconnect with things I used to enjoy, just to see what would happen. And that's how I started thinking again about what I loved doing most for many years: drawing.

I've always loved to draw since I was very little. I would spend entire days doing it, and my mom would buy me notebook after notebook of blank paper, until the notebooks weren't enough and I started getting sketchbooks.

(Pila de blocks de dibujo y revistas guardados | Stack of sketchbooks and magazines stored away)

As I grew older, I began to study more things on my own: anatomy, light, perspective, backgrounds, color… I learned through magazines and the internet. I even amassed a large collection of a magazine called DibujArte, created by Mexican artists, which I still have and which was key to my development.

(Aun conservo las revistas , estas son solo algunas, las demás están guardadas | I still have the magazines; these are just a few, the rest are stored away)

Then I started learning digital drawing with programs like Photoshop and Paint Tool SAI. I also became interested in animation thanks to YouTube videos. I started using programs like Flashplayer during my practice; I think that program no longer exists and has been replaced by Adobe Animated. When I was about 14, I saved up the allowance my grandfather gave me every Saturday for a long time and was able to buy my first graphics tablet.

This was more or less the model I had; it's an old one now, I even think my first drawing board is older than this model in the picture since it looked more basic.

Drawing wasn't just something I loved: it became my goal. I made comics, wrote stories, studied how to create graphic novels. It was what I wanted for my life.

But I live in Venezuela, and as many of you know, the situation here is difficult. After graduating from university, I took the first job that came up to help support my family. Then more came, until I was holding down several at once. All my time went into working… and I stopped drawing.

(Dibujos del 2013/ 2014/ 2017 | Drawings from 2013/ 2014/ 2017)

Today, as I try to return to it, I feel like something is missing. I don't know what to draw, I lose interest quickly, I don't have the same patience or the same enjoyment. I understand that tastes change as we grow up, but I struggle to accept this loss because it wasn't a natural goodbye. I didn't stop drawing because I didn't want to anymore, but because I had to.

Perhaps that's why it hurts more. Because it was my talent, my identity, the way others saw me and how I saw myself. And now I don't know what I want, and saying goodbye to something that was your lifelong dream isn't easy.

I'm trying to take it easy. Trying things without forcing anything. Sometimes I pick up a pencil just to keep practicing. I even have a newer graphics tablet.

(Dibujo que hice el año pasado | Drawing I made last year)

Have you ever lost something that gave your life meaning for a long time? Thank you for reading this far.