My negativity journal

I was born (or made?) a pessimist. When I am disturbed, I don’t want to hear how I need to be grateful for this or that. Yes, in general, one needs to be, but hearing it when you are affected by emotions is dismissive. It literally sounds like: oh, but you have everything, you can’t be upset. Hmm… really?

Anyway.

“A negativity journal” — an abstract digital artwork that I generated using the AI in starryai.

Along some recent life-changing events, I lost a lot, including a significant amount of my functioning abilities. Or are they skills? Anyway, excuse my English.

Instead of hearing how I need to focus on the positive side of life, I decided to face my negative experiences and thoughts. So, I came up with a negativity journal.

My negativity journal topics:

• What is the one thing that truly upset me today?

• What is making me feel like crying right now?

• What I believe was unfair in others’ attitude towards me?

• Was somebody mean to me today and how?

• How many duties remained undone today?

• What made me feel embarrassed lately?

• What is preventing me from falling asleep right now?

• What is a thing that is disturbing my mind, yet I have no control over?

• What has drained my energy today?

• What thing from the past I wish I could have but I can’t anymore?

• What did I promise to do but forgot to?

• What did I mess up today?

• Why did I get late for my appointments today?

• What did I overlook today that I could have easily noticed?

• What makes me hate myself today the most?

• What situation went like a total disaster recently?

• What is making me feel guilty right now?

• What did I say that I should not have?

• What feels too overwhelming to accomplish today?

• What do I believe I will never manage to learn?

• What weakness of mine prevented me from feeling successful today?

• What is missing in my life right now?

• What opportunity did I miss out on recently?

• What do I regret having done?

• How did my body fail me today?

• What makes me feel utterly miserable right now?

• Why do I feel disappointed today?

• What did I start doing today but I didn’t finish?

“Journal Writing” — an abstract digital artwork that I generated using the AI in starryai. Note the slight errors in the AI’s interpretation of the scene.

There are 28 questions in total. Ideally, they can be done in four weeks. Will I manage? I would bet money that I will fail. Depression is taking its toll on me, not to mention that my ADHD brain wants variety all the time. Sticking to the same thing every day for a month is an insurmountable challenge for it. But I will try anyway, and report how it goes.

To round it to 30, I can give two extra questions:

• What was the silliest thing I have done recently?

• Did I waste my time with this negativity journal?

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“Pessimism” — an abstract digital artwork that I generated using the AI in starryai.

How does a negativity journal sound to you? Is it too… pessimistic? I am tempted to say that this is more of a healthy realism with some gloomy tendencies.

Have you tried a positivity/gratitude journal before?

Or maybe you want to join my journey through pessimism?

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