Not afraid of any stage

Today was another day where I had to tell myself to slow down. As much as I feel ready to record an album for the first time in my life, I have a show coming up in 3 days. On top of that, these songs could be tighter, practice for the show will actually lead to the songs sounding better on the album.

So I forced myself not to touch the computer today and instead to practice the hell out of song #4. #1, 3, and 6 are Al really tight but #4 needs work (2,5 and 7 are not ready for performances yet, next month!). An old song I’ll play could also be a bit better, so I practiced both of those about 12 times each today.

I had class in the morning then a 3 hour break so I stuffed my face and got straight to practice. Then I had one more class and a two hour break so I practiced the entire break and then after dinner the two of us practiced together for an hour and a half.

6 hours total?!

That’s professional level practice.

I don’t think I’ll ever claim to be professional, not because I think it’s such a hard thing to attain. I honestly don’t care about the difference between professional and amateur. There are hard workers and lazy musicians people with sense and people who make a living from their work and people who don’t. Professional and ametuer are arbitrary terms.

But back to the point, 6 hours!

And it was very efficient practice too. I focused entirely on weak points and making the whole set solid.

One of my goals since last year has been to be able to play a set with no weak songs. Many times I see bands perform a great opener and a great closer and in between is kind of meh. I never want to do that.

I want my shows to tell a story and that may include fast and slow and sad and happy but I want every song to be memorable to someone.

There is only one reason I will let myself play a song that isn’t memorable, and that’s if I still haven’t found the right version of it and playing it live will help me find it. I do not want to settle for mediocre, and good for me, I have a good sense of melody and arrangement (it’s the only thing I am shamelessly confident about in music) so it comes rather easily to me.

Another side note: anyone can develop a good sense of melody and arrangement by listening to many kinds of music, going outside their comfort zone, experimenting and improving their skills.

I’ve never practiced like this in my life and it has me considering all kinds of things I’ve never considered.

I don’t yearn for fame or big stages but I can feel myself getting over my fear of them and so under the right circumstances, if it was an artist I loved or a very special place or time, I could do something much bigger than I imagined. If it gave me the chance to travel more, or made focusing on music easier, I’d do it.

Part of me wants to try it just to overcome the challenge although I don’t care about numbers, only about my ability to overcome my fears and anxieties and my ability to live the life I want to live.

I am finally ready to do whatever it takes. If that means being a nobody, fine. If it means becoming well known, fine.

My dream is to have adventures and make music in many places with many people. I prefer small scale, intimate, natural, but I’m starting to see more and more artists who do both, they play a festival every 2-3 months to fund a project or their lives while they record an album. It doesn’t seem so bad to me and since we are usually 1-2 members, it would be easier to sustain ourselves than a 4-6 piece band.

I don’t think I’ll get all that big because it’s not something I want and I don’t think I have to. But I do think I’ll get the attention of artists I admire and the support to fill up a small bar or cafe in many cities around the world.

But my main goal is to love my songs and feel so confident with them that no stage scares me. If I choose not to play a big stage it will be 100% because the event or vibe doesn’t match me, not because I don’t feel ready or good enough!

That is where I want to be and I feel myself getting there!

On Monday I had 25 minutes of solid awesome music that was ready to share, not including jams. By this weekend I’ll have

A live album APPEARS!