Trying to Fix it…
I am sitting on my couch, locked in to my emotion, overthinking and analyzing things from different perspectives. As a chess player, it is one skill I have focused on improving, looking at things from a different angle. I want to see how much of it is a problem, or if I am just responsible for exaggerating my problem.
What I came to realize when burning a couple of hours with my soul, I realized I have generated the propensity of wanting to fix things. I make an error, issue, or a problem, and immediately I am out looking for the solution. The understanding of what the issue is is also a vital part of the solution. Each time I reflect more and more about what should be done or how fast I come up with a solution, I see I have developed the want to fix and fix even when it is not needed.
Trying to fix it comes out right on the suffix of things. Oh yeah, you have an issue immediately, you come out right with the solution. The friendship or relationship faces a tuggle, you are the one pulling up with the apology card. Immediately, you spit out, the I'm sorry. Actually, it might be the right way to go when trying to solve the problem, but the problem will come in when it becomes an everyday thing. When there is a problem or issue, you become the person tasked with getting it fixed, and as time passes, it becomes your full-time job.
This has been my feeling for quite a while because of the role and the cards that have been dealt. I forgot there is a role for others to play in realizing what the problem is and what the issue is before a resolution can be brought to the table. I have opened my mind to understanding that it takes two to tangle before the problem can be solved. It's like talking to someone with an addiction, and you keep telling them to fix it with your different coping mechanism, but it keeps failing to work for them. First off. Do they admit the addiction is a problem, or are you the one with the obsession of trying to fix it?
Just because of how good it might seem wanting to get something fixed, it can be hard to see the burning flame that comes with trying to fix a problem and being the one responsible for providing the solution. It became draining as I pondered more and more on it. I have embraced the flame of not dwelling enough on understanding what the problem might be; rather, I go straight to providing a solution. Oh, let me do this, or let me do that, hell yeah, it is the right way to go. Bro, chill! What is the issue first? Next, how did this occur? And finally, can this be resolved or moved past? These are what I should be asking myself first before jumping into getting a solution.
As life goes on for me, I am starting to see problems as a huge part of it that I will always have to encounter more frequently than I want. I have begun to embrace my soul for the challenges that will come with it, and I cannot run from it; rather, I have to think through the source of the problem and its genesis before trying to fix it.
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