"The Baseline Shift: You Teach People How to Treat You" by Ruffa Jane V. Companion

Is confidence something you're born with, or something you build?

Well, humans always start from zero. When we were just children, we never craved confidence the same way we crave it today. When we made our own blankets serve as our own hair, or when we built small houses with other kids, we were entirely confident that we were living our dreams.

But why is that? Why do we feel more confident as a child in building the simplest things we can—as simple as the small houses we built when we were young? What exactly is confidence? Is it because, as children, we never really understood what being confident truly is? It could be the reason. But that's not the issue here. Most children know how to be confident and how to define it. Therefore, there must be a much deeper reason for it.

The Cost of Confidence

A lot of people have reduced confidence to something you can only possess when you have what you want in life or when you are socially well-off. They will probably tell you that you need to buy this or that in order to improve yourself and be confident. Well, there's nothing wrong with buying the things you want, so long as you can afford it or your circumstances allow you to.

But let me tell you this straight: that's not how being confident works.

Because if confidence could be purchased, would the wealthiest people automatically be the most confident? Absolutely not. I've known a lot of wealthy people who are deeply insecure about themselves. Reducing confidence to something that can be purchased is like saying that poor individuals could never be confident. But why is it that some people can wear the simplest clothes and still look like they own the room? It is because everyone can possess it, regardless of your status in life.

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People adjust to the standard you tolerate.

Now, how can we truly be confident in ourselves? Actually, there's a lot to learn about confidence, and I would be happy to help you with that. Here is your ultimate guide:

1. Master how you carry yourself. I'll tell you this: being confident does not mean wearing designer clothes or living a luxury life; it's how you carry yourself. You can wear the cheapest clothes you can buy and still radiate confidence. If you aren't confident enough, it will be projected in your actions. And worst of all, people will notice it right away. Truth be told, people will easily notice you not because of what you wear, but because of how you carry the clothes you wear.

2. Prioritize your own happiness. Do what makes you happy, for as long as it's not bad for your health and not harmful to others. What makes a child confident about himself or herself even when building a very simple playhouse? Because as a child, we focus more on what makes us happy than on what makes other people happy. And it's one of the standard rules: The more you base your confidence on what others feel and how they see you, the more you lose confidence.
Frankly speaking, others will always have something negative to say about us. They might compare us to others, or they might be expecting something more from us. So no, you don't have to do anything they ask you to do beyond your limits. Just do what makes you happy and surround yourself with the right people.

3. Be genuine with yourself. Read that again. Being genuine means being completely real to yourself. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not just because someone told you so, or because you feel the need to fit in. You know who you are; do not let yourself abandon the very version you already have and are still actively working on. Focus on yourself, and respect other people while deeply respecting yourself.

4. Stop comparing your journey. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison is a poison that can kill your confidence gradually. We are all created differently. The world would be so boring if all of us looked the same, had the same things, possessed the same talents, and developed the exact same qualities. It would feel like all of us were just replicas of one another.
Our differences are exactly what make our world more beautiful and interesting to live in. So, do not compare yourself to others because you uniquely contribute to the beauty of this world.

5. Honor yourself and self-discipline. Take care of yourself and your health. Sometimes, our own insecurities come from feeling behind the world's beauty standards simply because you, yourself, lack self-discipline when it comes to taking care of your body. Do not sleep late. Maintain a proper diet. When I say a proper diet, I mean eat healthy foods; I don't mean to say that you should strictly limit what you eat.
Taking care of yourself does not mean that you should look good just to fit into society. Rather, it's a powerful way to convince others to look at you the exact same way you value yourself.

_{The standard of how you are treated begins and ends with you.
I wrote this book specifically for those who think low of themselves, trapped in self-doubt, not knowing that they are called for so much more. This is your practical manual to break those old habits, step into confidence, and rebuild an unshakeable foundation for your happiness. It’s time to stop waiting for others to see your worth.
Pouring my heart into these pages has been an incredible journey, and I truly hope you’ll support my publication as it goes out into the world.
I am practically here to help you reclaim your peace. Coming soon!}

The Next Level of Confidence

There's so much more to learn about being confident, and if I am being honest with you, it takes a whole book to write. And the good news is, I am about to publish a book entitled "The Baseline Shift". Everything I talk about here, and so much more, can be found within this book.

"You do not have to build a fortress to keep the world out. You just have to know exactly where your own borders begin."

Remember, the right people will see you for who you really are, not for how society sees you. People will always have something to talk about. They will always find childish reasons to hate you. But real confidence comes from knowing that their hate is actually helping you develop even more confidence.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hit publish on this article (and the whole book), entirely at peace with the fact that it won't be everyone's cup of tea.