Typical Relatives

Today's my grandma's birthday so naturally some of our relatives went to her house to celebrate with her. It's not that I despise them, but I just don't like the fact that they'll only come to us if we have something to give. I know that behavior was something that's not new in our culture, but I kinda felt uncomfortable seeing them. I just can't shake that uneasiness whenever I see them acting nice and attentive because it makes me remember the times when they were cold and oblivious to us when we needed them. I know I shouldn't feel any ill intent towards them for they had reasons why they acted that way, but I can't help but harbor some.

I will just gonna let go of those feelings for a while since it's my grandma's birthday, but upon speaking to them the feelings that I shouldn't harbor flared up. At first, I didn't see them because my little cousin immediately cuddled me when I arrived at my grandma's house so my aunt made their presence known to us. I know they're somehow pissed off, but truly it wasn't my intention to ignore them. Anyway, I immediately greeted and asked her hand for the mano (it's one of our traditional way of giving respect to the elderlies), and I thought that would clear the tension, but I was wrong. Instead of greeting me, she immediately said an insensitive comment which turned my mood sour.

I don't know if that comment was intentional, but it sure dispelled any good feelings I felt at that moment. I lost my appetite to eat because who wouldn't if someone had told you that "you became fat". I know I gained weight these past years which was mostly because of my treatment for lupus, and that somehow became my insecurity. I've been skinny since elementary so it was a shocker for me when I gained a lot of weight during the first months of my medication and chemotherapy. Those were really the hard months because everybody seemed to be shocked to see my bloated face, but I don't hold that against them because even, I, can't believe how much I've changed.

However, after I finished my chemotherapy and as I went further with my medications, my condition improved and slowly, I started losing weight. With that, my insecurity started to wane, but after hearing what she said earlier that insecurity resurfaced again. I don't know, but I felt angry with what she said because she didn't know a thing about me and how I worked hard to get back in shape. I know compared to my skinny self before, I would really look fat, but was it really necessary to point that out? And was that the right way to return a greeting—pointing out that they became fat? I know that's part of their typical judgemental relative attitude, but that didn't sit right with me.

I know they'll just say that I'm overreacting because we're relatives and such and we shouldn't take everything seriously...but seriously, I don't see that as a joke. I don't feel any hint of humor in what she said so of 'course I couldn't just brush that comment off. I felt bad and really insulted to the point that I regretted coming out of our house and going to my grandma's. It would be a nice evening if it weren't for their presence...her insensitive weight comment...ughhh typical relatives.