Critique: Jay Shetty 8 Rules of Love

You don't need this book. You don't need to be scammed by the marketing mill in heat over the slobbering profits abundant in the St. Valentine lovechild. (Am I being too subtle? 😁)

Ultimately this book and its contents don't work and won't work. I'm not trying to convince you not to buy this book, I'm instead trying to bring Mindfulness and awareness to your decision making rather than being manipulated by the mush mill.

Shetty tries in this book to make us work hard at love. I wonder, do we really want love to be a chore? What if you could have this love without all the effort? Before we get to that, let's look at why this book won't work.

In the intro Shetty writes, "I want this book to help you create your own definition of love and develop the skills to practice and enjoy that love every day."

If you take his advice and create your own definition of love, I wonder how he can possibly give skills for practicing that love? Rather, it is more likely that you would also create your own practices to fully enjoy that love.

Another problem with relationship and marital self-help books is that, in the majority, they only get read and applied by one person in the relationship; normally the one that is already more aware and proactive in making the relationship work. Invariably, the partner who needs to read these books are the ones that don't, further exacerbating the situation.

So what gives me the right to question the guidance of such a modern media sensation as Mr Shetty who tells us, "I spent three years [in an ashram in a village near Mumbai] as a Hindu monk, meditating, studying ancient scriptures, and volunteering alongside my fellow monks."?

Well, like Shetty I too lived in a Buddhist centre for three years meditating, studying ancient texts, and volunteering alongside our monks to bring Buddhist principles to new seekers. Admittedly mine wasn't in Mumbai, but I don't personally feel the need to capitalise this experience into profit either.

From my study I came to understand that we are sourced from a singularity, a oneness of existence in which unquestionable acceptance exists. These words of mine can only ever be a poor attempt at conceptualising this state of being, but we can imagine an anthropomorphic finger that wonders if it is loved by its neighbouring finger without realising that it is one with, and unquestionably accepted by, an entire body to which this question of being loved is not even worthy of consideration.

The lingering soul memory of this unquestionable acceptance is what drives us in this harsh physical reality to seek what we have termed Love. It is our yearning to return to the embrace of our singularity that drives us to find false love by joining with another person. And why, even in successful couplings, we mostly only find tolerance rather than ultimate acceptance.

So how do we achieve love without all the effort? The answer is not to work harder at building a poor counterfeit substitute for our soul memory, but to understand that we are still a part of (a finger on the body of) that singularity and that we still, and always exist within unquestionable acceptance.

I also recommend reading this blog post which I found more rewarding... https://jayshetty.me/blog/jay-shetty-on-8-rules-of-love/

Namaste,
Dave