Gray 🕳️

I read somewhere that the pen is the tongue of the mind so I've decided to talk but with my pen 😊.
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For the longest time, I've not been my usual self, I fell into a place I never thought I could be in, my physical health deteriorated, my mental health was in shambles and I lost touch with life for a while. I cut contact with family and friends, had crazy thoughts and allowed myself to wallow in them. It got to a point where my family became worried and began keeping in touch with me all the time to make sure I was okay. Mental health is not talked about enough in Nigeria, especially in the case of youths and late teens, one time I told two people about how I felt and one sent me short video of a boy pretending to shoot himself and said "a solution", the other told me it's because I've not had s.x for a long time, so I gave up telling people stuffs whenever I feel down. Most times it's just me and my overthinking mind wondering why I'm still a broke 22 year old with no job, not yet in a higher institution after numerous attempts, 7 years after my secondary school education. Different average skills with little to no recognition while my mates are scaling new heights and bagging degrees. I made up my mind to leave social media so I won't see all the amazing things my mates are doing (hence the break). I convinced myself I was doing well (probably because) I was taking a software engineering course but that failed and I started a business that's not really going well so I became more frustrated. After my friend lost her brother (my drama director) a few days ago, I've come to realize I shouldn't keep living in my mystery cause life is short, very short and we're not getting out of it alive.

I feel my mind gradually turning gray with the walls closing in on me each passing day. Suffocating! That's the word, I feel like I'm suffocating but I've decided to carry on no matter what life throws at me.

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