Laundry

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There are few things more terrifying than walking into a teenager’s room and seeing the state of their laundry. It is as if they believe clothing belongs in three places: on their body, on the floor, or in some mysterious pile that may or may not contain clean and dirty items mixed together.

I have spent years trying to teach my kids the basics of laundry. The hamper is not just a decorative piece. Socks have soulmates and should not be separated for life. And most importantly, if a shirt smells like it could walk out of the room on its own, it probably needs to be washed.

When I finally convinced them to do their own laundry, I thought I had won. Then I opened the washing machine and saw that they had crammed an entire month’s worth of clothing into one load. I could barely shut the lid. When I asked why they did this, I was told, “Efficiency.”

Of course, their version of efficiency also involves skipping things like sorting by color. I have lost count of how many white shirts have turned a mysterious shade of pink. They also seem to believe that more detergent equals cleaner clothes. At one point, there were so many soap bubbles coming out of the machine that I thought our laundry room was hosting a foam party.

After everything is washed, do they fold their clothes? Absolutely not. They live by the philosophy that if you leave everything in the basket long enough, you can just pull out what you need and never actually put anything away.

At this point, I have accepted that I will never understand their laundry habits. As long as they do not smell like a gym locker, I consider it a victory.

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