Advice I Never Asked For

I am the proud owner of a couple of teenagers who firmly believe I need life coaching. From them. The same people who think pizza rolls count as a food group and consider brushing their hair optional. Yet somehow they are brimming with advice. For me.

Apparently I am not supposed to say things like “YOLO” or “lit” because it is “embarrassing” and “not how normal people talk.” I would argue that they were the ones who taught me those words in the first place. But fine. I will stick to my outdated vocabulary and let them cringe in peace.

Wardrobe advice is also a hot topic. I once wore socks with sandals to take the dog out and you would have thought I committed a fashion crime on the level of wearing a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding. My daughter told me I looked like I had “given up on life.” I told her I was just taking the trash out. Apparently effort is required at all times.

They also have strong feelings about how loudly I chew, how I breathe when I drive, and the volume of my sneeze. Who knew sneezing could be wrong. And don’t even get me started on the lectures I get for singing in the car. I gave birth to you. I have earned the right to belt out every word of 90s pop hits.

But the best part is that while they hand out these rules like I am their clueless roommate, they break every one themselves. Loud chewing? Olympic level. Questionable outfits? Daily. Cringe behavior? They invented it.

Still, I secretly love their unsolicited advice. It means they are paying attention. Even if they are wrong. Every single time.

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