Dear diary

Dear diary,
It's been a while since I wrote sth to cleanse my mind. Now considering the amount of thoughts I hold in my head, it would definitely be great to pour some delightful and awful ones out.

Rummaging through the memories of past, I often wonder how some things didn't ever work for me! Losing things that I always wanted to keep, rooting for people that got me on the verge of doubting my sanity and resultantly having deeply shaking mental breakdowns, yet managed to gather enough strength to get back to normal and start over.

Something that often bothered me was that depsite being a "GOOD" friend, I kept losing the ones I called "BEST". The word "FRIEND" and the ones who owned it had always been my top priorities. I felt like it was me who, despite doing more than I was capable of, was not doing enough to make them stay but it turned out that only mutual efforts could make any sort of relationship last and in my case, I just kept moving forward and the other kept stepping back which got things ended but as Ian Somerhalder said, "you eventually lose too much for good, so regret nothing".

As time passed, I learned that the ones who you really want to stay, leave. That's the other side of the story to be told later.
I thought I learnt to not mourn and just be grateful, never really did. The flashbacks often come back being over exaggeratedly pesky. I realized that no matter how weak I get sometimes considering the amount of hurt and damage done to me, I'll continue to get stronger and move forward to live the life as it is; unpredictable.