Weekend Experience: If I could change one thing about myself, I certainly wouldn't want to be mentally ill anymore.

Here I am finally participating in this initiative again. Today I chose the theme "If you had the power to change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?" I was undecided because I was also thinking about the first proposed theme, but I was afraid I'd end up writing about the same topics over and over again. Anyway, let's start. If I could change just one thing about myself, I know exactly what it would be. I wouldn't want to have mental illnesses anymore, I wouldn't want to suffer from anxiety and depression.

Well, I haven't had to think much about what I'd change because it's clear that living with a mental illness, or more like in my case, really sucks. Why would I change this aspect of myself? Simple, because it's the aspect of myself that I hate the most because it literally ruins my life. Living with a mental illness is something you fight every day and often lose. I don't want to bore you with explanations of what anxiety and depression are at a clinical level because if you're curious, just Google the symptoms and you'll understand for yourself that the impact of a mental illness on your life can be terribly disabling.

Because I would like to change it if I could, because it's true I would lose a part of myself but I'm sure it's a part that I wouldn't miss. In fact, without this illness in my head I would probably discover another me or perhaps I would finally discover the real me, the one not limited by sadness, anhedonia, pain, anxiety, fear, disturbances and disconnected and empty emotions.

Changing this part of me would make me better, different. I hope one day I'll be able to change, although unfortunately, we're not talking about change here, but about living with a mental illness. My rosiest hopes include recovery, the hope that one day a drug, a therapy, or perhaps an epiphany will make my anxiety and depression disappear, but I know it's not that easy. If I had a magic wand, I'd change this aspect of myself right away because it would truly change my life, bring out all my potential, make me freer, more serene, I dare say happier. I'd be able to do and imagine many more things, live more peacefully, learn to enjoy life as it is, or have the strength to make it better without fear, without anguish.

First picture edited by my phone translation with deepl.