Knocked Up

Pregnancy should be a joy. Birth is a miracle. I am 17 weeks pregnant. I don’t feel any joy. I’m just depressed. A week ago I started having a sharp pain in my right hip. I thought that the pain was the result of an improper sleeping position. The pain got worse and eventually I could barely bend. The day of the worst pain I got a massage. I couldn’t let the therapist finish the job. I went to google and read that heat and yoga could help. I took a prenatal yoga class that evening. I couldn’t complete the class. I felt defeated. I’m 28 and I have never had any health problems. I left yoga and sat in a hot tub in a sauna house. The sauna house has a heated floor that is supposed to be good for back pain. I laid on the floor. Laying on the floor seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back. I slowly limped to my car and called my doctor. They said they could see me the next morning at 10 A.M. it was midnight so I drove home and cried myself into my bed. At 6 A.M. I was in worse shape. I had to scoot out of the bed and my bottom half felt like it wanted to break apart from my top half. I threw on some shades and got myself down the three flights of stairs that led to my car. There was an hour until CVS opened. I was nauseous from pain and not eating. I got food at Chik Fil A. I cried in the car and waited in CVS parking lot. The store finally opened. I took the last bit of my cash and bought Tylenol, a heating pad, and a topical pain release called Tiger Balm. I swallowed the pills in the car. I was able to get out of the car and tears streamed down my face as I climbed the three flights of stairs to my apartment. I’m alone. I winced in pain and got back in the bed for two hours. The Tylenol helped a bit and I was able to shower before going to the hospital. I limp through Kaiser lobby in shades and a tiny dress. I had been too exhausted to put on proper clothing or shoes. I make it into the exam room and a blond mulatto doctor with a blank expression enters to check me out. She didn’t seem to do much other than tell me it “sounded” like I had sciatica. She prescribed me muscle relaxers. I asked if it was ok for the baby. She didn’t much answer saying as long as I didn’t abuse the medication. I don’t understand how I should be avoiding caffeine but opioids are safe. Earlier in the day I told the baby’s father I was in pain. He sent me a YouTube video on stretching. I am ALONE in all this. I have an irresponsible younger sister who lives close. She is the only family I have near by. She is no help. She spends her time being late on her bills in a dirty apartment and snap chatting herself in large amounts of make up. She has a 4 year old child who has a dead beat father. She has no empathy for my pain. Her life sucks so she can’t help me with mine. I don’t have friends. The girls I once went dancing with have no interest in a pregnant cripple. I have been told that I ruined the summer by having a baby. Yesterday I missed work and stayed in bed on muscle relaxers. I finally felt better today. The father of the child told me “he is not my hoe” when I told him I need help. I was too terrified of being a murderer to get an abortion. I’m so sad and alone. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I am up now 3:30 A.M. with insomnia tears down my puffy cheeks sitting on steemit because I don’t know what else I should be doing. My mother is across the country caring for my two brothers and my irresponsible sister’s baby. No one checks in on me. I really hope I can feel better soon. So if anyone reads this and thought their life was bad this should help cheer you up. -Glass Half Empty