Once again...

Once again I am here, trying again after several months of being stuck after death took half of me. Four months after your departure, dear grandmother, the mother that

I feel sad because I would have liked to do more for you. I feel sad because I miss you so much.

Sadness tells me that there is nothing left to do, that I am defeated.
I think I'm ten years old again, but this time I'm really alone,
So I feel unprotected, because the lioness who took care of me died. My inner child feels abandoned once again. A few days ago I promised not to cry and to let you go in peace, but it's not easy, I miss you so much.

Like after losing a hand-to-hand fight, like someone who has lost and is on the ground, that's how I feel, my back against the cold floor, I feel like staying there, but I breathe. the air I breathe tells me to get up, and if I want to get up but I feel limp, once again I try, lifting my own body feels like lifting a car, I give up again and again.

At this moment I feel as if I managed to lift half of my body, I am not standing I am like sitting, and while I am sitting many things happen around me, December arrives, a new year arrives and months go by and I am still sitting I still cannot stand up, and things keep happening, people move forward but I am still sitting and I still do not know if I will be able to get up. But now I am aware of what is happening, now I know that I must get up, but I ask time to myself and to those around me, I know that I will get up....

Thank you for reading