I feel like a broken record. Time and time again I say I'll write more and I never do. It's not like I don't have the time, I just simply lack motivation. I miss writing but I don't feel good enough anymore. I feel like the words I write have no meaning. Wow, I sound overdramatic. The past few months haven't been the best for me and I feel like I'm spiraling out of control... Someone help?

A lot has changed since I wrote my last post. I've finally moved houses and am away from my ex-boyfriend. A weight has definitely been lifted off my shoulders. I'm now living with two other lovely girls who respect me and are genuinely nice to live with.

I've had an on again off again thing with this guy which was very toxic. Thankfully he's made it easy and has decided to simply ignore me. I've been wanting to move on from him for about 9 months and have been unsuccessful, hopefully, I can now allow myself to move forward without him. I tend to fall for complete assholes so it's safe to say I don't have the best taste in men. I know at the moment I need to take a step back and focus on myself. Although, loneliness kind of sucks. I'm just in the worst self-destructive headspace and nothing I seem to do is helping.

I think I'm having typical young adult problems. I guess some people just cope with their problems better than others because I'm not doing well at all. Everything seems to be going wrong and nothing is going the way I'd like. Money is a huge issue for me at the moment, I'm completely broke. My weight is another issue that I've dealt with for as long as I can remember. I wanted to lose another 15kg before my birthday in July but even the thought of doing that now is impossible. I've turned into someone I don't like.. I'm moody, irritable, depressed, and I don't want to see family or friends. I spent the whole of last weekend in bed, sleeping. I know the only person holding me back is myself. It's just difficult to find the courage and will power to get up and keep on trecking forward sometimes.

Short and unsweet post tonight. It's time for some more sleep.

Until next time,

Meliss

Photo Cred: https://www.flickr.com/photos/joannadabrowska/4821261514/lightbox/