Sometimes I Feel Like Recovery is Impossible

The past couple of days, depression has rendered me nearly comatose. Unbearable despair and dread, you know, the dark uncomfortable feelings depression surrounds you with. I've felt so moribund. My face only capable of holding a heavy frown with my eyes dull and half open. I chose to stay in my room because I couldn't animate a different face this time, I couldn't muster a cheery "I'm okay" this time if people were to enter the room. I talk about my mental illness and how it affects me a lot, so many might think when it encroaches upon me that I'd display it, but unless I can't escape a situation to hide it when it is severe, that is far from true.

When I fall so low, it takes over completely. I can't find relief in anything that should even help on a smaller level. Positive or negative coping mechanisms don't work nor do they appeal, so I am left hanging in limbo. I'm hanged by the throat but I'm not dying. Each breath is too much work but my body keeps breathing. I'm limp and I am tired but I just can't sleep. I know I am seeing in color but my mind interprets it as grey. I'm feeling burnt out.

In moments like these, no amount of therapy, medication, positive thinking, meditation, or anything else, seems like it will ever help me feel better.