FFFRRREAKING NIGHTMARE!

Okay, I'll admit it...

I don't sleep too well these days.
Yeah, I know, I know.
John, you're working too hard to insure the national security of our great country.
Spreading peace and democracy takes unwavering dedication.

Hold on... need to tweet this out... just a sec...




Alright, that should do it...

I keep having these... these nightmares. You know?
Like they feel terrifyingly real, right down to the tiniest detail.

Sometimes the visions come as soon as I go to sleep... and...
and ... they go on for hours. Freaking hours!

I'm mean they start off innocent enough.
I'm at the White House giving a press briefing about our sustained humanitarian bombing campaign and the press corp is just lapping it up. I throw up both middle fingers to the UN.
Everything is as it should be, blissful even.
We're watching F-15s and F-18s conducting peace missions on a monitor and and it's F-ing great!



A chant breaks out "F-15, F-18, F-22, F-this, F-that, F-ing Fun-Fun-Fun!"
We're all having a great time and then, it just, it just changes.



It's surreal.
It's like one of those weird paintings.
You know, by that Freak with the mustache?
You know the guy... whatever who cares.



Everything starts melting...
I'm sorry... it's... it's a frightening sight to see these beautiful creations disolve into jelly.

It's just a horrific vision.
I can't get it out of my mind.

Suddenly, it's the middle of the night and I'm back at home in my crypt.
As I lie there, a disgusting thought begins to emerge from the mist.
A feeling of sheer terror washes over me.
The room is spinning quicker now and an uncontrollable nausea takes hold.
I'm gonna spew...


Peace has broken out all across the globe...
and I have a 7am with Lockheed.
FFFFFffffffFFFFFREAKING NIGHTMARE!