Lonely in a crowded room..

I always wondered how someone could feel so lonely in a crowded room.. surrounded by friends and loved ones.. yet there are still feelings of emptiness hidden incredibly well behind the most beautiful smile. That is until I became familiar with that feeling all to well like a draining relationship I couldn't free myself from.

Have you ever heard the term to be an empath? An Empath is someone with a strong ability to feel the thoughts, emotions, and energy of others and generally, people who are empaths are affected by these influences. I dont know exactly if that is what I am, but what I do know is without even trying I soak up negativity like a dehydrated sponge. I want to take the burden off loved ones and hold the weight myself so they dont have to.

"You dislike, don't trust, or conversely like and enjoy a person's company for reasons you can’t yet pinpoint."
I avoid a lot of socializing outside of work and maintain the smallest of circles. I go on random adventures to keep my mind occupied and only with people I have grown to love and trust.. regular life tends to be too draining all on its own..

Have you considered the worst part? That all while I am carrying these burdens.. thinking of everyone else.. there seems to be no one looking back to make sure I'm not drowning.. to listen while I unload some of the heavy baggage I carry on a daily basis.. I'm exhausted.. and scared of my emotions being "out of line" so I dont ask for help.. oh to feel Lonely in a crowded room.. hug the ones who are always there for you.. they need it.. but in fact they very much deserve it.. a simple gesture goes a long way.