Someone Inside Me

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I see so much sadness in this world,
Maybe because it's in my eyes,
Its inside my heart
And maybe my veins too.

All my life I have always let people down,
Those close to me,
Even those who mean a world to me.
And even myself.

I think I want a drink or a roll,
To be honest, I'll be letting myself down yet again.
Well I've got used to it,
But is it good or bad that I don't know.

Maybe this existence doesn't even matter,
If I am special why can't I see it;
I can't see what my folks see in me,
I don't even care about them.
I am alone in this world,
Maybe this a good thing
But I am afraid of myself.

I can destroy everything by my own self,
I am a self destructing atomic bomb;
Harmful to myself and those near me.

That question again, does this existence matter?
But this time in a good way,
I know about its negativity.
I think I have been long dead;
Just appearing from outside these days
But from inside
A long time before it all started to happen.

This existence, this innocence and
This so called good heartedness of mine,
Won't do any good;
That I became sure of long ago.

Maybe I should die,
Get murdered and tortured brutally
Or even kill myself.
I have more than 13 reasons to do so,
There won't be anyone who would remember me like Hannah;
I don't even want anyone to.
Who would remember a satan?

Maybe good always wins over evil as they used to teach us,
It will win over me too.
I am no different.

I am wearing a mask over myself,
Its time to put it away;
Let the reality unfold,
Disappear and die.

O dear baby satan you should do it as soon as possible,
You might turn into a real one.
For the sake of the tiny goodness left inside you,
Just kill yourself for this world.
It'll be a big favour on me.
Sincerely your bipolar self.

P.s. Please give your inputs, I am ready for all of them and appreciate it.