Are You Ready for Anything?

Life and death are funny things.
If I am honest, I would have to say my mind is not yet ready for death.

I work towards the goal of dying consciously, to open myself to expansion.

Still, every time i start to die.
Become one w wisdom, i get so dizzy, everything spins.
I am moments from leaving my body.
I am so close to that conscious relaxation, conscious allowing....
Maybe twice have I gone over to the other side w out backing down from fear and nausea....

Im working on it.
Sometimes i still compare myself to you all...and when i do my happiness fades.
I have to step back and analyze myself bc if i am really a friend I will mirror your feels back and encourage you if i can, so you feel acknowledged and heard and thoughtful.

So to die each day in mediation is to welcome the change wisdom brings.

I have a ways to go yet.

The other day before i fell asleep, trying to meditate I said, "i am ready for anything. "

When i began to dream, i felt a confidence and certainty. I stood and i thought about what i need to invoke to be rid of expectation and go w the flow!
I exclaimed, "I see the portal!" And there before and around me several portals opened. Blue and white swirls of wisdom, adventure...without hesitation I was gone! in to another reality.

The doubt struck as I fled in to a small room w a couple of others.
It occured to me, in my step away from intuitive action, that i had no way of knowing if i had returned to my original existence.... What is changed? Would i remember everything?!

In a panic I poked at a face in the dark room. I used a colored pencil! And when i jabbed their cheek, a dark mouth w small sharp teeth chomped at the bit! I began stabbing again and again! And over again a dark mouth opened where there was no mouth before.

I wake.
I'm so not ready....

I breath deeply and whimper...

Ill have to go back to bed.
And i try to meditate but I just fall asleep.

From
Persephone