PAIN!!!

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I sat outside enjoying the cold breeze of the evening as I watched the sun go down, all I could think of was my mother.
It's exactly one month after her death, it still feels like a dream at times i call out her name forgetting she's gone. I was the closest to my mum, my two younger ones are still little so I and my dad had to lie to them that mum went away for a while, non of us was ready to break their heart or start explaining what death meant.

My mum was pregnant and when she was dew to deliver which was about a month ago, there were some complications which took both mother and child. Just like that my mum was gone, I was with her gossiping one day and the next day she was gone.
When I heard she was dead it sounded like a joke at first but then I snapped back to reality and realised my best friend was gone for life, never to return, I carried out my eyes, my dad couldn't even stop me from crying because nothing he says can console me. It's one month already and I'm still in tears, once the thought of her death comes to my head, the tears start to pour uncontrollably.

I know it's wrong but I actually wish the baby died and my mum survived. I wish I could take back the hands of time, but I think it's time to let go and move on.