Tonight with the moon

What if I told you that you were lied to, what if you necessarily don't need someone to love you? What if birthdays were just to distract you and sometimes made to oppress you.

I ask these questions because it's my birthday next week Wednesday and deep down inside of me I know I'm not doing enough yet I try.

I try to love without expectations, try to face my demons and never run from them like I used to plus my addictions won't let me so I brace myself with hopes and dreams.

I'm older now to understand pains although one can never fully comprehend it because as times fly; our pains feel like they're unveiling their true meaning which apparently doesn't relate to pains but memories and lessons to adapt because the pains never end, the cycle keeps cycling as all lonely nights still end.

Tonight, I'm not crying or blaming myself for being alone, I won't even miss my future as I would smoke with the moon and conversate with my keyboard. I will tell my heart to a community that understands pain and hope they don't just understand but accept that nothing lasts forever, not even that expensive joint.