Introducing Myself through a mild Identity Crisis!

I signed up to Steemit a week ago and I’ve been mulling over this post for quite some time because I didn’t know what to say, but then I realized, how hard can it be to introduce yourself?? So here we go:   

My name is Essen and I am 28 years old (yes, I am of legal age. Don’t be fooled by my high-school-ish appearance). Interestingly enough, this post comes at a very inopportune time because I’m at that stage in my life where I’m actually trying to redefine who I am and I have no clue what it’s going to look like [insert panic attack].   

I’ll start with who I was before:    

I grew up as the daughter of a Diplomat, and that has greatly influenced who I am today. My mother’s assignments took us to live in Spain and New Zealand for 6 years each, and I’ve only spent a little time in my actual home country, which is the Philippines. I understand diplomatic protocol, international relations, the impact of immigration and the culture shock you experience whenever you start living in a place you cannot speak the language of – no, not just a tourist for a couple of months, but as a person who also gets to absorb and adapt the culture.  

That said, I am not a typical Filipina anymore. I don’t feel Filipina, if that even makes sense, even though the images above show how me dancing Tinikling which is a cultural dance, and our National costumes (the Filipiniana and the Barong). I know how conservative we are and I understand our history, but I am also quite “liberated” in terms of my values and my attitude towards certain things. Being part of the Diplomatic Corps though gave me such a different point of view of the world and that has made me far more tolerant and open-minded than I think I ever would have been otherwise.    

I think because of this, when we came back to the Philippines after I finished university and I stayed to work there for the last 7 years, I realized two things:   

1. I am not someone who can stay in a place for longer than 6 years at a time anymore – the itch to move and discover and live in other places is too much now. I feel restless—as if my life is not moving forward if I don’t move. 
2. I need growth and challenges in life, or else everything is just completely pointless. It can be a personal challenge, a career challenge, anything just as long as it’s not stagnant.   

Quitting my job:

Because of those two realizations, I quit a perfectly well-paying, stable job as an Admin Manager last December to take a very long break (4 months and counting now?) and figure out what I really want to do in life. I had already felt the travel itch earlier last year, so that led to a solo, tri-city trip to Japan (Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka), another one to Dubai, and ending the year with my family in San Francisco and Los Angeles (the itch was well-scratched lol).   

Which actually brings us to how I am on Steemit right now – and how I met the boyfriend (@david-krug) on an 8-hour bus ride from Los Angeles to San Francisco 4 months ago. 

Next?:

In all honesty, a relationship this year wasn't even within a mile of what I had planned. I was having too much of a crisis about what to do next (still am actually), that I was completely blind-sided by the last four months. As if leaving all security behind wasn't enough, here was this guy who wants to add to my freak-out equation. And yet the other night we celebrated his birthday by hanging out with some street kids (started with 1 at 7pm, ended up with 11 by 10pm), lending them his skateboard, and tried to bring in some health into their lives by buying fruit and feeding them fruit. 

So right now, I think I'm just rolling with the punches and whatever else life throws at me. I’m still trying to discover myself. I know most people do this during the earlier part of their 20s, but I think I was just so focused on my career at that time that I submerged myself deep into it, never coming up for air until now. And when I got my head out of the water, I literally had no idea how far I’d come or where I actually was. I didn’t mean for this to be an identity crisis post, but apparently that’s where this went to lol.

Hopefully by my next post I’ll have a clearer idea of who I am? Thank God I have a very solid support system in the form of friends and family, who no matter where I am in the world or whatever quarter or 30-something or mid-life crisis I have, will always be there to love and guide.

For now, I guess you’ll be joining me in more quarter-life crises, self-discovery, growth and travel adventures! Yay!  

Talk to you all later!
Essen