Insomnia

Photo by Jupi Lu

The Bible says, "there's time for everything"
And right now, I think it's my time to rest.
My time to recover, rejuvenate, regain my lost strength
My flesh isn't willing and my body is weak
My spirit is all to eager but I can't lift a finger
It's late at night but the voices seem to be crying with all their might
I'm restless and the heat is driving me senseless
Too many thoughts that I can't coordinate
I wish I could but my mind feels like a maze
It twists and turns till I get lost in a phase
Finding my way out will surely be by God's grace.

No caffeine in my system but still I can't sleep
Being drowsy has got me in my feelings deep
No hallucinogens but clearly I been seeing things
Feeling things, hearing things or maybe I'm just imagining things
I'm trying to recollect my thoughts, gather them in one place
So I can get my sleep at night but all to no avail
They're haphazardly scattered
Damn, they're all over the place
Wild, unhinged, dark and dreary....it could use a flame
Bearing down on me, the weight is making me weary
But I refuse to be broken, no I won't get teary
I refuse to be shackled, yes I'll keep on fighting
I'll go with the wind, yes I'll keep on running
Steady chasing peace cause it's all or nothing.

As I stay up, counting the ceiling
Hearing the soft breaths of those happily dreaming
Craving for that shut eye but scared cause I know I'll see my demons
My struggles, my fears, my insecurities, my lost hopes and dreams, they all come out to taunt me
They jeer and they sneer threatening to choke me.

Photo by atsushi1984

So my eyes are wide open, vision clearer than the night owl's
Star gazing, I be focused on them night skies
Whilst guarding them who be enjoying their nap time
Almost wishing for that peace that they seem to have
But alas!
I know that some pretend
I know that they have found a means to an end
They've become one with the dark and have come to call it home
While I'm stuck in the middle
Stuck between the voices in my head and the nightmares in my mind
Sometimes I feel myself slipping, drowning
Gasping for air as I struggle to reach the surface
Trying to break free from they who want to pull me to the bottom of the ocean
Here I am, buried in these dark places
Huddled in this dark corners
While I wait
Hoping and praying, that the flame finds me.

Photo by roegger