Amsterdam Maximator: Jihad In A Can

The Amsterdam Maximator is the Holy Grail of the super lager world. With 11.6% volume of unrefined liver failure, there is very little doubt that this can of gut rot can cause cirrhosis, nausea and even paralysis within a mere matter of seconds.

But as you would expect, that’s just what the marketers want you to know. What I wanted to find out was whether or not a single can of Amsterdam Maximator could be used as biochemical warfare and also, as a viable solution to the War on Terror. We tested two highly volatile specimens; a male Moslim extremist and a female Palestinian rebel fighter.

The experiment involved strapping both subjects into a restraining harness and using a pipette to administer Amsterdam Maximator eye drops. Following this, both specimens were invited (against their will) to a screening of “Debbie Does Dallas”.

Amsterdam Maximator - A Cure For Jihad
A beer from the Lord Almighty.

Our hypothesis on the male test subject backfired as he immediately broke free from his restraints, pulled out his sacred Afghan scabbard and begin to pleasure himself relentlessly, all the while screaming, “It’s a sin! It’s a sin!”

The Palestinian test subject was entirely different. She began to regurgitate, but not so much to the visuals as to her, the soundtrack was far more terrifying. The sleaze laden music was sufficient enough to put her into a state of despair and anxiety and despite continual eye drops, the vomiting and nausea refused to cease.

I can surely say that from our experiment, we are now able to put an end to international terrorism. The solution? Amsterdam Maximator. It’ll make them jerk off and blow chunks over one another, a fitting end for any extremist with an unhealthy penchant for suicide.