Myself, today.

Very different post. I'm having a day.

It's hard to motivate yourself to succeed. Success is what we all dream of, what drives us. Whatever we want for ourselves in the long run, a family, a home, fame - we all want to become successful in our own way.

Now that I'm fastly approaching the age of 33, I want a home. My tippy top goal in life is to own a home with a couple acres, to give my wife something stable and ours. Let my cats run around, and save many more animals.

At the same time, this goal feels like a distant dream. Because, well, how can we succeed when we hate ourselves?

There's a handful of medical issues that surely fuel my self loathing. But, there's definitely something more. Something that I don't understand, because out of everyone in the world that I don't care for - I hate myself the most.

What I hate the most about myself, is that I'm fully aware it's not good or healthy. I understand most aspects of why I get depressed and manic. I probably overanalyze situations too much, or maybe my perception of my analysis is what's blinding me.

I don't know what to do except something I feel stupid and regretful for doing. This post. It's honest and embarrassing. In my mind I'm saying "stop being so pathetic" and that I'm a hypocrite. I don't care for people who only seek attention. So this post... it makes me feel like an asshole.

Why can't we control what is right in front of us? Why do I feel isolated when so many understand how I feel?

I'm sorry for the ramble - I hope those that see this can at least enjoy pictures of my babies.

Cat! This cant be all sad :3