The Moroccan Brothel
"My hotel looks like a Morrocan Brothel!"
In 2019, 2020 and 2023, I've attended an Opensource event Université libre de Bruxelles, Campus du Solbosch, Avenue Franklin D. Roosevelt 50, 1050 Bruxelles, Belgium for years I've wanted to go but always used the "I can't afford it!" excuse for not going. In 2018 (You always plan this a year in advance), I finally prised open my wallet and booked for 2019, but this story really is about 2020 and 2023.
I used booking.com to find a cheap hotel in Brussels. It's best to try and stay in the city centre because of some of the pre and after-event parties that take place, plus it's where all the eating places are, so the app offered me The Hotel Mozart. From the outside, it looks like a small non-descript place. How wrong could you be! Honestly, you walk through the door, and it's like you've been transported back to Casablanca in the early 40s' all that is missing is Humphery Bogart leaning on the piano, which is seated in the main entrance.
The decor is tacky, to say the least, and packed full of Objet d'art, AKA "Junk." but I will say that on the whole staff are nice and friendly.
So this was my room in 2019 and my first stay at the Hotel Mozart
Not only did I think the room was small and cramped, but my first thought was, "How the hell am I going to sleep in here!?" Little did I know that was the least of my worries.
There's nothing like a little blood on the walls to make you feel both at home and considering sleeping with one eye open. Truthfully, apart from the poor cleanliness, it wasn't that bad a stay. I always book for three nights, and it's just a place to crash anyway.
Oh well, at least I know what I'm getting into this time.
Fast forward to 2023, and booking.com tells me Hotel Mozart is still the cheapest! €165.60 for three nights. I took a deep breath and paid; how bad could it be?
The reception guy had carted me upstairs, across landings, up more stairs until we reached the bottom of this narrow thing: "Your room is at the top of the stairs", he said. He wasn't kidding!
I learnt that it was best to unlock the door from the third step down and then open the door because there wasn't the room to swing a cat on the so-called landing that accommodated two other rooms! I hasten to add.
OMG! I'm in a broom cupboard! I'm in a broom cupboard in the loft! Seriously, lifer prisoners get more room than I had. I would say the room measured 11FT by 6FT; the bed looked like it had come out of a prison, and the walls were minging with dirt.
The toilet was amazing, it was broken! The flush mechanism was damaged, allowing water to trickle into the bowl so that every 40-50 seconds, the cistern topped itself up constantly. How I managed to sleep, I don't know. On the Saturday, the flush buttons finally gave up and fell into the cistern. I went downstairs (I mean trekked) to complain, and the manager said: "It is drunk people; they push too hard! I will fix it; I know how." sure, he fixed the buttons, but the cistern continued to top up every 40-50 minutes. 😱
But I've saved the best till last. Can you see that box thing with a circle? I suspect it was some extraction fan? The picture makes it look better than it was. That box overhung the toilet; get up too fast, and you'd be visiting a Belgium A&E quicker than you could say: "Fook that hurt!"
Back in the day, the hotel must have paid for a professional photographer with one of those fish eye lens estate agents use when selling a house to make it look bigger because this fountain and the tiled area looks huge on their website, so much so you could imagine yourself sat around it with friends drinking cold beers and singing Marche de la Légion Étrangère - Le Boudin.
It's tiny! Two steps and you've walked past it! 🤣 I shouldn't be horrible; it's obviously the owner's pride and joy. Sunday morning, he had a big delivery of potted plants, and I found him rearranging his display around the bowl of water masquerading as a fountain.
I made a short video of the trip from my room to the reception so that you could see what a journey it was. I'm so glad I didn't come back to the hotel drunk out of my skull. I doubt I would have found the room.My actual name is Pete. Here is why I have the username dickturpin.
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