I ate two and a half plums for breakfast :(

It's true... that's what I did this morning. I was also hungover. 1+1= two shits that I had to take at work.
I hate shitting at work, I always have.
Single stall, multi-stall... it matters not to me. I don't very much appreciate being "interrupted" while I dump.
This is the one thing I am very "uptight" about. For example: the Ms. and I have been together for about 10.5 years... every time I take a crap I turn the sink faucet on to cover up whatever "sounds" I might make.
In my older age, I WILL take a shit at work (when I absolutely have to)...
so, today I was stocking some items and it hit me (like a fucking shitty freight train)... I held on as long as I could, clenched ass-cheeks and all.
I told the supervisor on duty "I have to clean and mop the men's bathroom! It smells atrocious!" .... as I got the mop bucket ready, waiting for the water to fill , hips were moving from back to front, left to right, eyes bulged.... I slapped an "out of order " sign on the men's bathroom and had had at it....I wish I could get over this shit (pun completely intended)