Over 45? Tonight’s The Last Night You Can Go On The Drink & Not Be Hungover For Christmas

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THE far side of forty?* Expert advice suggests that tonight is the last night you can head for a few Christmas pints and go on a massive dope inspired bender without being sick as a dog for the big day itself, so adjust your plans accordingly.*

Scientists have pointed out that the average man or woman over 40 needs at least three days to get over the nausea and headaches of a prolonged session of pints or taking class A's, meaning that any session undertaken from the 22nd December on puts a Happy Christmas with the family in extreme jeopardy.

These same scientists also added that people in their 5th decade lose most, if not all of their tolerance for alcohol and as such it takes much less drink to put them in much worse form - crucial information to know as the holiday drinking season ramps up.

"The last thing anyone wants is to be dying on Christmas Day... Christmas Eve you can miss, that's acceptable. But if you ruin the big day, you'll never hear the end of it," a drinking doctor warned.

"So if you're going out with the lads or the girls, make it tonight, Change plans around. Failure to do so will leave you hanging like a donkey's dick on Christmas morning, and you won't be allowed out of the house until Easter at the earliest".

In conclusion, it is advised to postpone any piss-ups, a night out on LSD or XTC until after Christmas, where the after-effects can be as bad as they like without getting you filthy looks at a big family dinner.