Questioning yourself

Today it hit me am I doing the right thing? Could I be wrong all along? Why people follow what I do? Why do people support me? What worries me the most people who supported me trust me and respected me might be wrong to follow my lead.

How could I lead when I myself question my own actions? Am I as honest as I can be? Am I 100% honest? I used to be so sure but why today I question and when I observe myself Im not happy with the results. Can I do more? Is it possible to do more with this shattered mind I have? Are all leaders lead destroyed life? Are all leaders will lose their minds in the end?

They said a genius will always be depressed? But am I a genius? I'm depressed as long as I can remember but does that makes me. Genius or has a weak mind? Why I don't think I am a genius? Why I don't think I am smart enough? Why do I think I'm not capable? Why it has to be like this all the time?

Why is there so many questions I can't answer myself? Why do I question my ability when most people I met admired me? Why I don't admire myself? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I can but I wish I am not? I know nothing is easy I did the impossible because the things I do now I find it impossible before. Why I don't give myself enough credit? Why do I punish myself? Why do I feel pain from the inside more painful than the pain I feel physically?

The only thing I can be now is a healer. The world 🌎 is in so much pain and it's giving pain at a rapid pace I should be a healer to balance the pain? I am neither good or bad I am in the middle I wish I was good but I know I'm not even close I'm just in the middle I am good I am bad. Sometimes I am neither because I am exhausted to care like I am now me a healer? I can I guess because that's what I do most of the time but I know that I need to be healed the most.