Yellow Flower

For so long I've been trying to go to sleep
Tried to stop feeling useless and weak.

I wanted to give up my life or turn back time,
With my eyes shut tight through every quiet night.

I'd ignore those angry voices in my head.
'You'll die tomorrow, you'll die again' They said.

But it wasn't me that they had taken,
One I loved was one less vacant,
And I can't cry for crying out loud!
I can't make a frickin' sound.

About how I hurt or the way that I feel,
Just slowly dealing with this ungodly deal.

Reality is one step closer to being crazy.
My days feel sober and my mind feels hazy.

I can hardly bare to be alone,
Why does my mind feel stoned?

My hands still shake, my body aches.
I'm keeping it together for goodness sake!

And when tomorrow comes it will still be today,
Because I'm not going to sleep, I'm staying awake!

I'm reluctantly refusing to close my eyes,
Remembering that reality is all scavenged lies.

For her tomorrow never came,
I'm not saying we're to blame.
When tomorrow finally comes, I will smile,
I will try and justify why she died, for a while.
I'll leave a yellow flower on her funeral bed,
With a note with all the words, that I left unsaid.