I Lost My Job Today

I always thought that I would be fine if I ever lost my "stable" job. That by being liberated from the daily routine, I will feel free. Yet, here I am barely able to focus on anything. I have passed the last few hours indulging into every single carb in my house and local market.

I am scared. I feel vulnerable. I feel trapped by this system. How will I be able to get out of paying all my debts? Yet, does it even matter if I pay them? Can I hop into a plane and start over again? Why can't I have that option that the elite have.

I opened the mailbox and the bills came in. Did I mention the job that fired me hasn't paid me in two months. I stayed thinking they would eventually pay me and would appreciate my loyalty to the company. The joke was always on me.

At this point, I have so many thoughts going through my brain, it's hard to stay in one topic. Yeah, I have loans, the worst kind of loan, the one that sticks to you like shit on your shoe....student loans. Will I ever be able to pay them back? not in this life time.

Yeah, I lost my job today.