Some Nights, I Become an Involuntary Owl

There's this slow yet absolutely delightful land breeze that ushers us into midnight. It brushes across our windows, and sometimes our faces, as if to announce its arrival. The turbulence of the day is sent into oblivion, and there's just me and you, letting the earth sing to us.

Some nights, we're turned into creative geniuses, letting our inks flow without obstruction. Other times, we're deep thinkers who let our minds race across various slopes with heart-wrenching questions that have no answers. But tonight, I'm the involuntary Night Owl struggling with the existence of self.

Throughout the day, I experienced the deepest kind of pain. The one that feels like a deadly force tearing up your belly to rip your organs apart. The type that causes you to become immobile.

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At intervals, I could watch myself quiver in pain yet still hold strong. I let myself pick up the phone just to breathe into it as a way of passing the comforting message of, "I'm still here," to a friend. Eventually, sleep overwhelmed me without asking.

However, tonight feels different. I yearn for that kind of sleep that lets me forget what existing feels like, but the courage to shut my eyes seems distant. My eyes remain wide open, even when I have nothing to distract myself with. Unlike other nights, my thoughts feel blank. My emotions feels all over the place and yet nowhere. My concentration fails and I often catch myself staring into space with nothing to hold onto.

Then, I realize that not every night comes with ambition, excitement or the ability to set my thoughts in motion. Some nights come with occurrences that make you feel like you need saving from yourself. And maybe all I truly need right now is grace and human touch to bring me back to orbit.

This post is a response to the Midnight Leters Community Prompt #26 which you can find HERE.

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