Old Habits Don't Die - Midnight Letters Prompt #20

For so long, I've been a regular midnight owl, which basically means that I’ve been good at keeping pretty late nights. I remember as a teenager, this used to be a very fun and thrilling thing to do.

Most times, I would intentionally stay up to text my friends through the night, lose sleep over the jokes that I was certain we would make, and just spend time learning and connecting with new people online. In fact, midnight surfing/chatting was a big thing back then for almost every teenager and young adult. As you grow older, you realize that this habit didn't die off with your younger self. Instead, your body adjusts finely to serving you at midnight, even when you feel tired.

Personally, I feel tired almost every day. I feel tired from having to finish a module from my online courses. I feel tired from working. I feel tired from having a curious mind. Other times, I’m just tired of how fast paced life is and feel the need to catch my breath. In this case, you might think it would be easy for me to catch some sleep because I am deeply tired. But it gets interesting to know that on these nights, no matter how tired I feel, my eyes do not shut themselves. It’s more like my body no longer sees tiredness as a big deal at midnight unless I force myself to sleep.

What’s funny is that no matter how much activities I have lined up for the night, I'm never able to carry them out when I'm tired. Instead I spend the night doomscrolling and staring into blank space. Of course, I do this unintentionally.

Some nights I feel sorry for myself and just guilty that I’m not giving my body the required time to repair its tissues. Other nights like this one, I don’t feel bad for avoiding sleep because despite being tired, I do have a deadline to meet. It’s currently 3:10 am, and thankfully, my body is cooperating with me to stay awake until I wrap things up. Maybe I’ll get some sleep afterwards or not. I guess that’s up to me and my body to decide.

Cover image is from unsplash

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