Women Learn to Disappear in Responsible Ways | Ladies Of Hive Contest #287

CRYPTIC CAPTION: “It was there when I captured this. What do you see?”

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I realised recently that I answer everyone immediately except myself.

Messages.
Deadlines.
Problems.
People.

I have become incredibly efficient at carrying things.

And I think many women do this so well that nobody notices what it costs us.

Not because people are cruel.
Mostly because competence is rewarded so quickly.

The dependable woman is praised.
The strong woman is respected.
The woman who keeps everything moving becomes essential.

So we learn.

We learn to hold the emotional temperature in rooms.
To remember birthdays, meetings, medications, deadlines, school forms, passwords, feelings.
To stay calm while solving problems.
To keep going even when we are tired in places sleep cannot fix.

And slowly, almost invisibly, we disappear into being useful.

Not dramatically.

Responsibly.

Have you ever noticed how some women only allow themselves to fall apart in private?

In parked cars.
In showers.
Late at night after everyone else is okay.
After the call ends and the smile drops.

I think that is what unsettled me the most.

Not that I was tired. Gurrrrrlll!!
But how normal the tiredness had become. Girrrrl!

How easily a woman can lose herself while still appearing highly functional to everyone around her.

Somewhere along the way, being needed started replacing being known.

And I am still learning that those are not the same thing.